April 28, 1967 - Friday
I'm really fed up with things
around here. My parents are really getting on my nerves. It's
gotten to the point where I'm trying to avoid them. I hate to admit it
but I've really lost all respect for them.
My problem is I can't pin
down what exactly it is about them that annoys me. They always argue,
they drink too much and father is always falling asleep. Last Sunday
he fell asleep in church. Another thing that annoys me is they're
always trying to find out what I'm doing. I can't go out without going
through the first degree. They seem so god damn worried that I'm going
to run out and get drunk.
With my screwed up friends I
couldn't get into trouble if I tried. I went out with Kirk tonight and
he nearly made me sick. He drives like a child and his conversations
are worse. To top the evening off, he went to the store and bought
some comic books!! He only graduates this year.
I don't know what's come over
me but I'm sick of everybody. I hate to sound over dramatic but I'm
even sick of myself. Something's been building up inside of me for a
long time and I can't figure out what it is. I'm sick of being a
saint. Always the nice guy everybody pushes around. I used to
walk around trying to be perfect in everyway. Now I don't give a damn.
I'm going to act the way I feel I should. I'm not going to worry what
Another thing bothering me
lately is god. I suddenly find I don't believe in him. All
religion seems so phony to me I just can't believe it. It's all based
on a bunch of unbelievable childish folklore. The bible was written
for people with the intellects of a child and today it is for children.