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NOW

Wednesday - April 23, 2003

Baggage

I’m reasonably satisfied with my job. I have the best of both worlds in that I can pick and choose what I’ll be doing on any given day. By that I mean, my duties cover a wide range of activities from office work to field repairs. I’m responsible for deciding how I spend my day and my bosses are confident that I’ll make the right choices.

I try not to take this fact for granted because I’ve seen the other side of the coin. As a state employee for 23 years, I’ve seen regimes come and go. One retirement by an innocuous employee at some higher level can have ripple effects that negatively impact the lives of many below. In my case, recent retirements caused positive changes that filtered down to me and I’m now in the enviable position of not dreading my workdays. On the other hand, I’m always on the lookout for the unexpected.

My parents were alcoholics and I collected a lot of baggage while being raised in that environment. I tend to distrust people and I’m constantly waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under my feet. As a "Navy Brat" I was always the new kid at school and I learned to “scan the horizon for trouble” during the first days of class. I became pretty good at recognizing which kids were likely to give me a problem on the playground and I treated them accordingly. (With caution)

Unfortunately old habits die hard and as an adult I’ve had trouble dropping the behaviors that helped me survive as a child. Life isn’t much fun when you’re constantly waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Medical benefits are another thing I don’t take for granted. Analysis is darned expensive and you need a doctor to prescribe Prozac.

Our Water Tank
 

THEN

February 5, 1967 – Sunday

I talked to mother last Thursday about the C.A.P. She agrees with me however she seemed a bit reluctant.  Anyway at least with one person on my side I don't feel so bad.  I don't know how to tell father I'm dropping out.  For a while I'm going to be chicken and not say anything.

This weekend I worked on the family slot machine,  Father bought it when we lived in Samoa and we've had it ever since.  The last time it was  put together was when we lived in Oklahoma almost nine years ago.  All that time in a box didn't help it so it still needs a great deal of work

We use it as sort of a family bank.  Whenever someone has a nickel he just pops it in the machine.  There is the problem that it's against the law but we don't use it for gambling so it can't do any harm.  If anything it teaches against gambling.  Last night I scrounged all over the house looking for money to put in.  I got lots of quarters and went all over town to the laundry mats getting change.  The owners didn't like me because I kept emptying their machines.  Anyway I got about 20 nickels but not one got the right combination on the machine.

I still have it

_________________

Bill had an odd conversation with me the other day.  He said that I should give him up as a friend because he was holding me back from being in the "in crowd".  He said that I should drop Pat, Kirk and him for friends because without them more people would accept me.  He said because my dad was an officer and since I had a car all I had to do was go to the dances and I would be accepted.  I definitely disagree with him because I'm lacking the personality it takes to make friends.  The friends I have now are the only type I feel comfortable with.  They're not phony like most of the big wigs of the school and I'm happy with them.  Remember what I said a long time ago? It takes one to know one and I still believe it.

I'm not saying I would mind being popular and a social whiz but I am what I am and I can't change it.