Wednesday, December 25, 2002
Existentialist Nausea
Christmas day and I’m in Glendale
California staying with Catherine’s mom along with Jane, Catherine’s sister.
Grace, Catherine’s mom, suffered a blood clot in her leg a few weeks ago and
the kids have temporarily moved back in to help get her on her feet. We
usually spend Christmas in Glendale so this visit isn't out of the
ordinary.
It’s not real exciting for me though, if I were at home, I’d just be sitting
around. I might as well do that up here. The people are definitely nice
and I have no complaints. I brought all my town hall homework so I have
plenty to do.
My problem right now is a lack of passion or, put more dramatically, I’m
having a crisis of enthusiasm. This isn't unfamiliar territory for me since I’m
predisposed to depression and have been dealing with it my entire life.
Frankly, I know the routine and these days I find the whole subject kind of boring.
I’ve seen the doctors; been prescribed the medication, and now I just wait
for the melancholia to run its course. It’s kind of like waiting for a head
cold to clear up and go away. I just want to get over it and not infect
anyone else while I’m waiting.
One common sense therapy for depression is to try to remain active, even if
you’re just pretending to have a good time. Sounds kind of silly but it
works for me so I’ll be spending the next few days in Glendale doing some
site seeing and maybe taking in a movie. The last movie I watched was
“American Beauty” so this time I think I’ll go for something a little more
upbeat. Maybe I’ll rent “Sophie’s Choice”. Ok, ok, maybe the new Star Trek
movie. ;-)
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August 24,
1966 Wednesday
There’s still nothing much going on around here. I’ve just been spending
time doing the usual summer activities. I feel I must write something or
else when I look back over my notes I’ll find just an empty spot.
Bill Guzman, Pat and I slept out in the backyard of the vacant house again.
I made a mistake by saying slept out because we spent the whole night
talking. At 4:30 in the morning we walked along the beach and we were on our
way home when a policeman stopped us and started giving the routine speech
about curfew. We simply told him we had slept out and went for a walk. I
don’t think he believed us but anyway he let us go with a warning.
This Saturday Noel Broadbent and I are planning on a campout somewhere in
the mountains. It’s not definite so I’d better wait and see how it comes
out. I’ve been dieing for a chance to get out of Coronado so I hope this
comes through.
I don’t think I’ve described Bill Guzman and I’d better because he’s one of
my most unusual friends.
I met Bill in religion class and my first impression was that he was a real
nice guy. I’m afraid as I got to know him better my impression of him has
dwindled. He lived in Japan (ugh) for 7 years and this really ruined his
personality. He’s the type of guy who, when he meets a friend on the street
he’ll say “hi” and then as he walks on he’ll whisper under his breath that
that person is a stupid bitch. Bill is very critical. He seems to dislike
every thing and everybody. As for his physical appearance, he’s about 5’8’,
the same as me, only he’s kind of chubby. Not fat but when he takes his
shirt off you can tell he doesn’t do much exercise. He’s very weak, he
proved that at the beach when he almost drowned. He’s an average student but
he’s no real brain. It sometimes amuses me when he’s telling me how stupid
someone else is. I wonder how a person that’s a wreck like him can cut
someone else down. In all I’ll sum him up. He’s a friend that I don’t like.
I’ve got to stop now because Kirk and I are going to the movies. (Lt. Robin
Crusoe)
P.S. I think you can tell by my terrible penmanship and spelling that I need
more practice. I’ve gotten kind of lazy during the summer but I plan to
write more so I should improve.
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