Backward Rain

  July 20, 2003


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July 20, 2003 - Sunday


I spend a lot of time keeping tally of other people's indiscretions. Itís an unhealthy practice and I accept that fact. I guess itís a defense mechanism in that I donít want history to repeat itself. Iím constantly reminding myself in an attempt to prevent those situations from happening again. You know, the usual stuff, like when you let a friend take advantage of you, when you let a sales person get away with rudeness or when you made a fool of yourself trying to get someone to like you. Thereís a fine line between bitterness and wisdom. Those past regrets and resentments will never go away. I guess it turns to wisdom when you can dispassionately let it go; when the memory doesnít come accompanied with acrimony and anger.

Thatís my insipid moment of Zen for the day. I suspect itís the type of thing thatís common knowledge to most people. For me, itís a profound revelation.



Our Backdoor Yucca




June 20, 1967 - Tues

It's really getting easy to loose track of the days.  Without school I have to keep reminding myself just what day it is.

We finally got a temporary schedule worked out at the vet hospital.  Right now I work from 6 to 8:30 and from 3 to 5:30.  I don't like getting up everyday at 5:30 but the time in between is good and I guess I'll get used to it.  I like working just 2 &1/2 hours at a time because I don't find I run out of work so often.  I hate it when I can't find anything to do but I must look busy.  It gets embarrassing.

Lately everything seems out of proportion.  When I get home after my first shift, I usually go back to bed then get up at 11. I've been spending that mid day time listening to the "Sgt. Peppers" album over and over.  Boy I like that album.  They really put some thought into it and it isn't just a bunch of gooey love songs.

After my afternoon work and after dinner I do nothing but walk the beach or play the guitar.  I haven't seen any of my friends and I'm really enjoying being alone. I can think better when I'm by myself. It's amazing but with all this free time I don't get bored.  After a few weeks I suppose I'll get sick of it.


Now that I get up so early I find it very interesting comparing the sunset to the sunrise.  Around here at sunset everything is very quiet and still.  Not a thing stirs, not even the wind.  It almost seems as if the earth is exhausted and ready for sleep.

When I get up, the sun is just beginning to come up The birds are singing, there is usually a little breeze and there seems to be something in the air that is moving or vibrating. It's hard to describe.

It's interesting driving to work in the morning.  Hardly anyone is up but there are always a few cars on the road and maybe 5 or 6 pedestrians.  I wonder where they're all going.



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